Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Attic Fan Year-End Chat

Due to the fact that I have no new columns lined up until 2011, I thought this would hold my fan(s) over until then. Also, I have been sick the past few days and this is pretty much all I can do. With that being said, we can talk about the year in sports, movies, music, TV, or whatever.

Send your questions/comments in whenever, and I'll answer them beginning at 1 PM.

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Attic Fan Goes to the Movies: The Fighter

After walking out of my local theater at close to midnight, I was surprised I was still up. That is how I knew that The Fighter was a good movie. I had not fallen asleep, and was, for the most part, captivated by a majority of the things that went on during the movie. (Why did I decide to go to a 10 PM showtime? Your guess is as good as mine). I knew I needed to see this movie when Sports Illustrated called it “One of the Best Boxing Movie of All-time” and “The Best Sports Movie of the Decade”. Then I realized that Sports Illustrated knows jack-(expletive) about movies, and went to go look at some reviews from real critics to decide if I should see it.

(My fascination and trust in critic’s reviews dates back to a few years ago, when, in succession, I saw the awful movies The Day the Earth Stood Still, and Nicolas Cage’s disastrous Knowing. Both were really bad sci-fi movies, a genre that I have no real interest to begin with, unless it is Star Wars. I like Star Wars. Anyway, from that day forward, I decided to take movie critic’s advice to heart and save myself from spending ten dollars on a horrible movie. Some of my friends think that it is weird that I base my movie choices on what the critic’s consensus is. Well, if 92% of people who are paid to watch movies says that Grown Ups sucks, then it probably sucks. Combine that with the fact that I already do not really want to see the movie, and I think you know my choice.

I would suggest Rotten Tomatoes as the best choice for anyone who has Critic-Obsession-Disorder like myself)

Let me get back to Sports Illustrated for a moment. How can The Fighter already be called the best sports movie of the decade, when the decade is only 360 days old? What was its competition, Secretariat? Calling it the best boxing movie of all-time is a little over the top. I still love the first four Rocky movies, and although I have yet to see Raging Bull, apparently it is the standard for boxing movies. So, The Fighter had a lot to live up to.

Well, it did. Especially in a down year for sports movies, The Fighter held strong.

The real heart of the movie is from the actor’s performances. Mark Wahlberg, Amy Adams, Melissa Leo, and especially Christian Bale all gave Golden Globe nominated performances, which they deserved.You felt that the movies was less about boxing, then it was about these people’s lives. Which it was. There was probably only about 20 minutes of actual boxing or training in the movie, if that. The strength of the cast is really what gives the movie its legs.

When I left the movie I had a few questions.

SPOILER ALERT, here they are:

1) Why did Roy Jones Jr. sound like a robot?

Jones Jr. was the ringside announcers for most of the fights in the movie, and did his best impersonation of Bill Russell as a color commentator. He was really bad. It almost sounded like he had no idea what he was talking about, which is weird because A)He is one of the best boxers in history and B) He had a script. Maybe that is why he sounded so robotic. He was probably directly reading off the script, the same way Seth Meyers did when he first started Weekend Update. No matter what the issue was, Jones Jr. did not shed the proper light on the boxing scenes and how important they were.

2) How did Alice Eklund (Played by Melissa Leo) consider herself a good mother?

Throughout the film, all you hear from Alice is how great a manager and a mother she is. She really seems to believe this. There are a few problems with the chronically annoying Alice. She obviously only cares about the money that Micky is bringing in, and will make him fight literally anyone. Second, Dickey is obviously her favorite son, yet, she lets him go off to crackhouses and get arrested “27 times”. Finally, there are the seven daughters she has, all of which live from home. They are all in the mid –40’s, and she still is the caregiver for these fully grown women. They are basically the seven dwarves, only if the dwarves were regular sized and they all looked like Dopey. She is in the running for the Worst Mother of the Year Award, probably only behind 3-time winner Kate Gosselin. Leo does a fantastic job of making this real unlikable character. I can’t remember the last time I left a movie hating someone’s mom the most out of any of the characters.

3) Did Dicky Eklund stay sober after he dropped off his cake at the crack house?

Let me explain. In the movie, the climatic scene for Christian Bale’s character, Dicky, is when he is released from prison. He returns back to the gym where his brother Mickey, is preparing for his upcoming fight. Dicky strolls right in like he owns the place, but Mickey tells him to leave since he is too big a distraction. Of course, Mickey’s meddling mom (who had been fired by Mickey as his “manager”) brought his seven sisters over to celebrate Dicky returning from prison. She brought a cake. When Dicky finds out that Mickey wants him to leave, he storms off with the cake.

He brings the cake to the crack house where he had spent most of his time at. He drops it off, and walks away, and the viewer is led to believe that he never goes near crack again.

REAL LIFE SPOILER ALERT: He does. He got arrested for crack possession six years later and attempted murder three years after that arrest. Although it appears that the latter case will be thrown out, seriously, what the (expletive) are you thinking Dick? You got a son who is going to end up being more insane than Kurt Cobain’s kid. That is not even because your son has a drug-addicting daddy, it’s because he spends his time being cared for by Alice and the Seven Dwarves.

4) Is Christian Bale the greatest modern actor?

Still not sure. He is definitely the most dedicated, if anything. He gains and loses weight with the gusto of a high school wrestler. He lost thirty pounds for his role as Dick Eklund, and has lost way more than that before.The Fighter - Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale

Apparently, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt were the original choices for Dick, but dropped out due to scheduling conferences. After watching The Fighter, it is really difficult to see anybody else as Eklund. You would have felt as if Pitt and Damon were in the movies, and that they were not someone else. Bale immerses himself in every role he plays.

You get the feeling that if Bale was in the Big Momma’s House franchise instead of Martin Lawrence, that he would have gotten a skin change and gained 215 pounds. That is how dedicated he is. There is no way that Bale does not win an Oscar for this role.

As for the greatest modern actor argument, he is in the top 5, maybe 3. Daniel Day-Lewis is still number one, and Leo DiCaprio always has to be listed. But Bale is in the category of elite actors today.

The Fighter is an excellent movie. I did not even get into how much I liked Amy Adams in this movie. Who thought the princess from Enchanted would be so convincing dropping F-bombs left and right, and beating up one of the Dopey’s. Wahlberg dedicated himself tp the movie as well, in the opposite of what Bale did. He gained a ton of muscle and shows off his boxing chops (well) in the fighting scenes. As far as where as it compares to the other movies I have seen this year, it probably falls in the middle.

The Movies I Have Seen This Year (In order of my favoritism/love/affection)

1. Inception

2. Toy Story 3

3. The Fighter

4. Get Him to the Greek

5. The Other Guys

6. Paranormal Activity 2

Inception was the best movie I saw this year, in case you were wondering or could not read my graph. PA2 was not bad, it just did not live up to my lofty expectations. I saw The Other Guys twice in theaters, but Get Him to the Greek had more laugh-falling-down moments. My love for Toy Story 3 is well-documented.

Rating for The Fighter: 3.5 out of 4 stars


A special shout out to the old(er) movies I saw this year: Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas, Mystic River, Rear Window, Reservoir Dogs, Almost Famous, The Godfather, The Godfather 2. I made sure I saw you guys so I could have some legitimacy in the movie-reviewing world.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Really, Cliff Lee? Really?

So wait. What just happened?

In the span of two weeks, the New York Yankees, my Yankees, the team that can buy any player they want, just saw two All-Stars go to their biggest rival. Then, on Monday, we saw Cliff Lee, the guy that we have been courting like a Shakespearian character for 2 years, settle for less money with the Philadelphia Phillies.

I am still confused, still wandering aimlessly around my house. How did this happen?

Gonzalez & Crawford

It was obvious that the Yanks were not going to get Crawford, no matter how many steak dinners they gave him. Gonzalez was more of a surprise, not because we had wanted him, but in the manner the Red Sox got him. It is a brilliant trade, I have to admit. Gonzo (Which I am assuming is his nickname. What person with the last name Gonzalez hasn’t been nicknamed Gonzo?) is a real solid fielder, whose opposite field power will probably have him leading the American League in doubles for years to come. Fenway is probably the perfect ballpark for Gonzo’s game, a guy who consistently can hit the ball to left field on really any pitch.

With the addition of Gonzalez, the Red Sox can now be feared in the middle of their lineup, where last season it was decimated by countless injuries. Crawford also gives them speed, which other than the random Jacoby Ellsbury sighting, has not really been seen since 1983. Both of these additions make the Red Sox much more deadly to the Yankees, who are getting older and older and older (and older). Is it possible that we only see a small window for this Yankee team? While the Red Sox run rampant in the American League for the next ten years?

Let’s look at the Yankees lineup, and project how much longer they have:

1B: Mark Teixeira- Has a big window, but his early-season struggles are pushed back later and latTheo Epstein (L), general manager of the Boston Red Sox, welcomes Carl Crawford to the team during a press conference to announce Crawford's signing on December 11,  2010 at the Fenway Park in Boston, each year.

2B: Robinson Cano- Will probably be considered one of the five best players in baseball in a few years. At least that is what Tim McCarver is telling me.

SS: Derek Jeter- Tick. Tick. Tick.

3B: Alex Rodriguez- With the hips of a 75-year-old man with osteoporosis (and lack of PED usage), A-Rod is becoming more and more brittle.

LF: Brett Gardner- I feel like teams will realize next season that he refuses to swing at the first two pitches, no matter where they are. If Gardner stays the same, he could be in a supreme decline.

CF: Curtis Granderson- Streaky (adj)

RF: Nick Swisher- The man.

C: Jesus Montero- The future. Likely trade bait. (I’ll get to that later)

On paper, this is obviously a contending team. But after five years, I am not sure. The Red Sox are definitely the team that is primed for the future. and the additions of Gonzo and Crawford solidify this.

Cliff Lee…Sigh

My thoughts on Cliff Lee are kind of jambled up, so I will present my feeling on him in a kind of stream-of-consciousness train of writing.

It became pretty clear after a while that Lee was not coming to New York, I recognize that. But this is a guy the Yankees have been trying to pick up for the past two years, and we had been assured by Brian Cashman and the rest of the Yankee “brain” trust that we were going to get Lee, no matter what. That probably should have been my first signal that we were not going to get him.

There is seriously no one else we can have other than Cashman? We have the highest payroll in baseball, and this is the guy we choose to spend that money? Give me a break.

I kind of had this sinking feeling that we were not going to get Lee after the story broke that some jackass Yankee fans had spat on his wife. As I have said many times since that moment, these morons should never be allowed to set foot inside Yankee Stadium again, and have YES removed from their cable package. Could they have been Philadelphia or Texas spies, sent in to New York to sabotage the Yankees chances at getting Lee? Put that on my Conspiracy Theory List!

Part of me also feels kind of relieved that we did not get Lee. That could just be my denial talking, but he did pretty poorly in the World Series (0-2, ERA over 6), and he was not really that dominant last season (12-9, 3.18 ERA). I am not sure that he would be the proper to guy to give an absurd amount of money to.

One final thing about Lee: To all those mathematically-challenged, who think that Lee is a “great person” for not caving in to the Yankees big contract and going to where he really wants to be, Lee is still getting more annually ($24 million per year) than he would have in New York ($23 million per year). So chew on that one, Pythagoras.

This lack of picking up a big-name starting pitcher can only lead to one move by the Yankees. That is, of course, to trade all of their high profile prospects away to get that big-name guy. Here are the two guys who are likely at the top of the list.

Zack Greinke

He is probably the guy I want to avoid. He puts up solid numbers for an awful team that gives him zero run support, which is nice. But I do not want him playing in New York. This is a guy with a known social-anxiety disorder, which is probably not the best thing to have if you are playing in the biggest media market in the entire known world. I give a lot of credit from bouncing back from this thing he has, and he is obviously a huge role model in the social-anxiety community. But he should not be playing in New York, and I am pretty sure that he knows that too.

Career stats against the Yankees: 2-3, 5.27 ERA

Not exactly eye-opening numbers.

Career against the Red Sox: 1-4, 2.88 ERA

That does seem to be a victim of bad run support, if anything. But can he really see himself in a late September game in Fenway with the division on the line? How would he handle being booed? I should not have to worry about this things, especially if we are going to give up prospects like Jesus Montero for him.

Felix Hernandez

Probably the dream pitcher to get, if you are the Yankees. Cashman should be willing to part ways with guys like Montero in order to get the best pitcher in baseball, but he probably won’t. This could be the type of situation, that mirrors the A-Rod trade (Yankees need to fill in a void, so they go out and trade for the best player in baseball at their position). Hernandez went 3-0 with a 0.35 ERA against the Yankees last year, by the way. Unfortunately, there is a growing theory (brought to us by SI’s Jon Heyman), that Hernandez has the Yankees on his no-trade list.

This is obviously a mistake by Felix. He wouldn’t want to play in New York? The overbearing fans, trigger-happy upper-management, the incompetent manager, who wouldn’t want to play here?

Brendan O’Hare writes The Attic Fan column on You can also find him on Yardbarker, and on twitter at theatticfan. Email him at

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Attic Fan’s Ten Most Fascinating People of 2010

After seeing Barbara Walters atrocious excuse for a fascinating people list (one that included the cast of Jersey Shore, Kate Middleton, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Palin, Justin Bieber, and LeBron James. I love Jersey Shore as much as the next dumb American, but come on. Kate Middleton is British, which should probably make her ineligible. Palin is an insane person. Bieber, well, I don’t want to alienate my female fan(s), and my feelings for LeBron James are not exactly good ones), I decided to create my own, in perhaps of inspiring Walters to do better.

(Not sure if my people are fascinating, whatever the hell that means. Walters’ definitely weren’t)

(Another note: I tried to keep this to sports and entertainment, because my political views would end up being too much for the reader. You’re welcome)

Shaquille O’Neal

Single-handedly made the Boston Celtics the most fun-loving team in the NBA. Before, Nate Robinson and Glen Davis’s incessant antics seemed to annoy certain mentally-unstable players (Rhymes with Levin Harnett). Now, with Shaq in town, someone is finally there to give KG crap, and not be worried about being brutally murdered. He also, surprisingly, seems to actually care about defense/getting back on defense. He is averaging about 11 points and 7 rebounds a game, and filling in nicely for Kendrick Perkins. Sure, Shaq may slow down the game tremendously, almost bringing it down to a pre-shot clock era pace, but he is having fun! At least until Perkins comes back and he is forced to sit on his mammoth seat with 12 boosters under it.

Me and my dad talk about Shaq’s seat way too much. It almost received an honorable mention nod for this column. How is this helping him? I don’t understand. Please, if you know, send me an email. It makes no sense.

Brian Wilson

He probably should have been on Barbara Walters’ official list. Thank God the Giants came to prominence this year, otherwise we never could have seen Wilson shine in the spotlight. This is a man who probably should be in an institution. He wanted to “rage” after winning the World Series, which apparently is a good thing.

The only problem with Wilson I have, is that it may be an act. Can anyone be this crazy? Imagine if he went on Conan instead of Leno after winning the World Series. Conan pretty much allows people to do whatever they want, while Leno is an unfunny control freak. He may have burnt down Conan’s studio.

Kanye West

Made the album of the year, and probably produced half of the top ten songs of the year. If he does not win Album of the Year next year, I will be right on stage with him arguing. Okay, I probably won't. His album received arguably the greatest critical ratings of the past ten years, for any kind of genre. But still, to some, he is seen as a jerk, and these people refuse to listen to his music based on ridiculous principle (talking to you, Mom!). Forgive and forget, people, or something like that.

The Cast of The Walking Dead

My favorite new show of 2010, and really the only new show that hasn’t made me want to punch a wall. It is slowly making me get over my Post-LOST syndrome. Slowly.

Chris Bosh

For some reason, this above-average power forward became the key ingredient to any deal that happened over the summer, in the NBA offseason. As excited as I get seeing the Heat lose, and Bosh clanking 15-foot jump shots, I have to give him credit for making this whole thing happen. If you remember correctly, it really came down to wherever Bosh was going, LeBron would be right behind. That is why I am surprised that people were surprised when LeBron said he was going to Miami. Duh, of course he was going to Miami. He had been saying for weeks that he would follow Bosh into the afterlife.

Fun fact: Chris Bosh is averaging 7.5 rebounds a game this season. You wonder why the Heat can’t beat a team that has any sort of a low-post presence? Because this guy is getting out-rebounded per game by JaVale McGee.

Brad Childress/Wade Phillips

It is absolutely fascinating to me that these two idiots who knew very little about football, were allowed to coach professional sports franchises. For God’s sakes, one of them coached the freaking Dallas Cowboys, one of the country’s most profitable teams. This two headed stupidity-monster ruined the seasons of two Super Bowl contenders, both of which are now doing much, much better since firing these two. The Cowboys and Vikings probably make the playoffs if they are not led by two of arguably the worst coaches of the past fifteen years.

Brad Childress made even Brett Favre hate him. You know how hard that is to do. Brett Favre wears blue jeans and plays football in the mud with his best friends! He’s a great guy!

Wade Phillips was arguably the least component leader since Kim Jong-il. Like Jong-il, Phillips successfully starved his fans by never moving past the first round in the playoffs. Like Jong-il, Phillips promised massive results, but nothing was ever seen. Let me take “Make successful comparison to dictator and NFL Head Coach off of my bucket list”

Lots O’ Hugging Bear

This awful, deceitful bear from Toy Story 3 made me feel hatred I have never felt before. That is what makes him so interesting. How can a bear that smells like strawberry be so mean? Even when he is being saved for some reason, Lotso tries to kill the toys by literally throwing them into a garbage incinerator. When I saw that scene in the theater, I checked my ticket three times to make sure the movie was not rated R. Imagine if Toy Story 3 ended with all the toys dying? Could Disney have gotten sued?

Anyway, Lotso gets my vote as the most evil person of 2010. In a year that had stiff competition like Brett Favre (no pun intended, he gets the nod because of his single-handedly ruining my fantasy football season. Damn you!), Glenn Beck, the Haitian earthquake, and Julian Assange, Lotso wins by a nose. Hope you burn in hell, you awful, awful bear.

Writers note: Due to the fact that I am running out of fascinating people, I am counting the Childress/Phillips combo as two.

Jose Bautista

Nothing says the steroid era is over like a random player hitting 50 home runs. All kidding aside, Bautista and his absurd dead-pull swing was the craziest story of the 2010 MLB season. For once, I actually believe a professional athlete say the reason for his new strength is that “I worked out more” and “I eat right”. At least he didn’t say “I take Flintstone Vitamins”. (Actual quote from Sammy Sosa)

Congratulations to Jose on restoring my faith in home runs hitters who come out of nowhere. Good job.

DeMaurice Smith

With our final person, you may not know who he is. But by next year, I guarantee every sports fan will have his name tattooed in their brain the way Tiger Woods and Brett Favre are. Smith is the executive director of the NFL Players Association, and one of the key components in next year’s likely NFL lockout. It is possible that America’s most popular sport will vanish next fall, along with the NBA who also is lined up for a lockout. This could mean, God forbid, the hockey will be the only sport left in the winter. Please, DeMaurice (if that is your real name), no punishment is worse than a season-full of nothing but hockey. Get something done. Make the players take pay cuts, whatever. Please!

Brendan O’Hare writes The Attic Fan column on He can be found in syndication on Yardbarker, and on twitter at theatticfan. Email him at

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Week 13 Picks

I thought I would delight my fan(s), by putting out my NFL picks in column format, instead of the informal, impersonal Twitter way I had been previously using. I am putting the winning team in caps.

NEW ORLEANS v. Cincinnati

There is no way Cincy has a chance in this game. In fact, there is a chance that Cincy has no chance in a majority of games. They are really, really bad. The only bright spot for them this year, to my infuriation, has been Terrell Owens being 4th in the NFL with 914 receiving yards. These stats are more inflated then Germany in the 1930’s. Due to a lot of garbage time and incessant tipped passes, anyone could have put up these numbers.

CHICAGO v. Detroit

Seriously? Is Chicago really going to be 9-3 after this week? How lucky are the Bears, who week after week get to beat up on quarterbacks like Drew Stanton. Gah!

San Francisco v. GREEN BAY

San Fran lost its offense on Monday night when they lost running back Frank Gore. Now, a guy with no brain matter left, Brian Westbrook, is running the ball. I think I know what to choose.


Whether Kerry Collins starts or not, Tennessee cannot win here. Chris Johnson does not look the same, and the legs have really been ripped out of their season. Me? I just want more Rusty Smith. Nothing is better than that!

For some reason, I picked Tennessee to win last week. This obviously was a mistake. Right? Right? Right!


If KC actually decides to use the NFL’s second leading rusher, Jamaal Charles, this is a no-brainer. He has only 161 carries this year. That is an average of 15 a game! He is one of the most explosive players in the NFL, and is sometimes forgotten about on the KC sidelines. Time to grow a pair, Todd Haley. Ball is in your court. And Charles is on my fantasy team, so that would help.


Miami never wins at home, and Cleveland can do damage. Although I am worried that they barely beat the Panthers last week. Miami looks dead, offensively, and no one beats up dead things better than the Browns? (Can I say that?)

Buffalo v. MINNESOTA

Combined with the fact that Buffalo sucks, Minnesota at least looks inspired underneath new head coach Leslie Frazier. Whereas under Brad Childress, it looks like they tried to lose on purpose.

Washington v. NEW YORK GIANTS

The Redskins are a team that is confused. They will lose on week by 40, another week they’ll win by 40. The Giants are extremely banged up, but were able to squeak out a close win versus the Jags last week. It’ll be an ugly one.

Oakland v. SAN DIEGO

Chargers are on fire. Enough said.

ATLANTA v. Tampa Bay

I think it’ll be close, and it will prove if either Atlanta deserves to be a number one seeded team, or if Tampa Bay is for real. Tampa hung in with Baltimore last week, but congratulations, you still didn’t win. There are no moral victories in the National Football League.

Carolina v. SEATTLE

Seattle is at home, and they never lose at home. Especially when playing 1-10 teams.

ST. LOUIS v. Arizona

“I take this s—t seriously, all right?!”. No, you don’t Derek. You just flat out suck and laughing about how awful you are on the sidelines doesn’t help. Good luck.


This could be close, but Manning will likely be furious after a few poorly played weeks in a row.

PITTSBURGH v. Baltimore


New York Jets v. NEW ENGLAND

Eleven days off for New England? Should be no problem.

Here are my picks against the spread:

Spread (last week): 9-7. Season: 98-78

Regular (last week): 11-5. Season 100-76

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Six Questions About Tonight’s Possible Riot

I am not sure it is a good thing that I feel 45% sure that there will be a full-scale riot in Cleveland tonight. Other than games that are played in Detroit or Philadelphia, the Riot-o-Meter is usually never that high. We are going to see an amount of tension at a sporting event that has not been seen in a very long time. It feels like one of those things where people will take sports way too seriously. And that is coming from a guy who writes over-long posts about sports that 15 people read. There are a few big questions that will be answered tonight in Cleveland, where the Miami Heat will visit the Cavaliers, and LeBron James returns to the city that he curb-stomped (I would give a fun video link to American History X, in case you do not know what “curb-stomping” is, but it is extremely graphic. Feel free to search it yourselves!)

1) Will Cleveland go mentally insane?

Probably not. Hopefully, the good people of Cleveland will have more sense than to go completely ballistic, and use their plastic beer bottles as projectiles. There will be a lot of yelling, a lot of “F—k You!” chants, and a lot of anti-LeBron wear. Allegedly, Cleveland has bumped up security tremendously for tonight. Me and my friend were talking about this scenario today: What if the security guards turn on LeBron, and end up joining in the madness? What if the only reason they signed up to help, was so that they could berate and harm James? How hysterical would that be?

Odds are, Cleveland will not go off the deep end. It will get rowdy in there. There will be no “Malice at the Palace” situation, but we could easily see one of the more ugly fan situations since the Palace Brawl. No, that is not an insult to Cleveland fans. I did not just call you ugly.

2) Will the Cavs show up for tonight’s game?

Yes. There is absolutely no way that the the Cavs are not beyond psyched for tonight. If they are not, they should be contracted. This is probably the biggest game they will have all year, and that is including the chance that they get into the playoffs as an 8 seed, and get swept in the first round. You think Dan Gilbert, the Cavs insane owner, is not in the locker room sometime before the game, yelling at the top of his lungs "Murdock...I'm coming to get you!". Is that just me?

Mo Williams will have this team fired up. He probably wants revenge more than anyone on LeBron. LeBron left Mo out in Cleveland to whittle away, essentially. James was the only reason Mo would ever want to come in contact with Cleveland. He is out for Mel Gibson-style, The Patriot revenge, and if you remember from a previous column, that is the highest type of revenge possible.

3) Will the Heat show up for tonight’s game?

That is tough to say. In case you have not noticed, all three have soft skin, and all three do not like to be booed. It is in their poor record. If they can (for once) ignore the jeers, they will probably do well, I guess. If I had to guess, I would say no. They are not close enough as a team to combat the inevitable crowd eruption. They could not do it against Boston, and they will not do it in Cleveland.

This is probably the biggest “Grow a pair” sports situation (Note: This is a situation where a player/team’s toughness is called into question, and they must react. Manning up, basically, for the lighter of heart) since the whole “Peyton Manning cannot win a playoff game” deal. If Miami cannot get the job tonight, their toughness will be in big question.

Other classic “Grow a pair moments”

  • Michael Corleone killing Sollozzo and Captain McCluskey at Louis’s Restuarant
  • George Costanza pulling a golf ball out of a beached whale
  • Carmelo Anthony’s “Stop F---ing Snitchin” DVD (This failed miserably, along with his “fight” where he slapped Nate Robinson. These “grow a pair” attempts were arguably the weakest of the past decade. Please come to New York, Melo!)
  • Alex Rodriguez’s performance in the 2009 playoffs (In the direct opposite, his playoff performance in any other year)

4) Will Dan Gilbert attack LeBron James?

I sure hope so. Imagine how Stern would react. He would get the electric chair out of his basement, and well, you can see where I am going with this.

5) Is Juwan Howard still alive?

Only 37, the Miami Heat backup player, is averaging 2.8 points per game on 11 minutes. So barely. Other than Marcus Camby, is there another NBA player who you forget is still playing, and think has been retired for at least seven years?

6) Will Chris Bosh fold?



My NFL pick: Philly over Houston. Houston (+8.5).


Brendan O’Hare writes The Attic Fan column. Follow him on twitter at theatticfan. Email him or comment below with any question/comments/concerns/emergencies.